Cherry Valley-Springfield

• This is not easy.
• If possible have both parents there for this conversation with the kids.
• Leave out feelings of anger, guilt, blame. Practice ahead of time if need be.
• Reassure the kids that what happened between mom and dad is not the child’s fault. Most kids will blame themselves even if the parents say it is not their fault.
• Give kids enough information to prepare them for the upcoming changes.

• Encourage your kids to talk about how they are feeling.
• Their initial reaction will probably be one of shock, sadness, frustration, anger or worry.
• Don’t problem solve or try to change how the child is feeling
• Focus on listening
• Kids might blame you or the other parent.
• Help them cope with tough feelings (When I am sad, I like to listen to music or play outside.)
• Some kids may act out, be depressed, have changes to their appetite, behavior, or sleep.
• Some kids may take the changes in stride at first but then have disruptive behaviors or challenging emotions years later.
• Be ready to answer any questions or address their concerns.

Some common questions are:

• Who will I live with?
• Where will I go to school?
• Where will each parent live?
• Where will I spend the holidays?
• Will I still get to see my friends?
• Can I still do my favorite activities?

• Kids pick up on things.
• The single biggest factor in long-term adjustment kids of divorced parents is the level of parental conflict they see.
• Answer kids’ questions neutrally and truthfully as possible.

• There are plenty of other ways to communicate with your ex.
• Do not ask the kids what is happening in the other household.
• Communicate directly with the other parent about scheduling, visitations, health or school issues.

• New relationships, blended families, and remarriages are hard.
• Watch for signs of stress.
• Keep lines of communication open with your children during this process.

• Keep yourself physically and emotionally healthy
• If you take care of your needs, you will be in the best shape to take care of your kids.

• Ensure privacy when discussing the details of the divorce with friends, family, and lawyers.
• Keep interactions with the ex as civil as possible, especially in front of the kids.
• Don’t resort to blaming or name calling in front of the kids or within ear shot.

• Lean on friends, relatives for support during this time.
• Church and religious groups can offer support.
• Support groups, online resources, and talk to others who have been through this.
• Counselors and therapists can be great tools as well.
• I can also run Banana Splits Groups for kids to offer support to each other.
• Do not lean on your kids for support.

• Try to minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or abrupt separations.
• Try to accommodate your ex as you figure out visitation schedules.
• Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort during this difficult time.